Elmer Fudd as President
Elmer Fudd as President
Mid-Term Election Heads, Tails & Humour
Hillary Clinton called Chuck Schumer one day and said, I have a plan to help us win the mid-terms in 2018 and help us regain control of Congress.
“Great Hillary, but how?” asked Chuck..
“We’ll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the shelter and pick up a Labrador retriever, and we’ll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there. We’ll take George along. He can pay for things you can’t charge on your government credit card.”
So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar. The Bartender took a step back and said, “Hey! Aren’t you Chuck Schumer and Hillary Clinton?”
“Yes we are!” said Hillary, “And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Chuck suggested we stop and take in some local color and George agreed, so here we are.” They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador , lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar. For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog’s tail, and left shaking their heads.
Finally, Hillary asked, “Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog’s tail? Is it some sort of custom?”
“Lord no,” said the bartender. “Someone’s out there running around town, telling people there’s a Labrador Retriever in here with three assholes!”
I have just returned from XZ317 in the Zanaropius Cosmos Cluster and want to give you a view of the future. I’ll use the year 2059 for my example here.
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NEWS FROM THE YEAR: 2059
Ozone created by electric cars are now killing millions in the seventh largest Country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
All children by age 13 must practice and demonstrate before the school marshal that they can put on a condom successfully to ensure safe sex.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists are really stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran and Iraq are still closed off. Physicists estimate it will take at least 40 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. Israel will not occupy their radioactive territories of the Middle East until 2100.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton, now 79, has banned all smoking as her third term draws to a close.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to 370.95 pesos ($17.89 USD) and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. (See minimum wage)
Angel Soros, granddaughter of George Soros, is heading the movement initiated by the Clinton regime, to raise the minimum wage for all government workers and “people of color” by 20% from 1,150 pesos ($55.55) to 1,382 pesos ($66.66) per hour. Others stay at 1,150 pesos/hour.
Economists predict that the 20% minimum wage increase will be negated within a year as costs catch up to coincide with the additional income.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. The AMA is thrilled, crediting the 85-year and $75.8 billion USD study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
A small group anthropologists and historians from private, non-government certified colleges, are respectfully asking the government to reinstate use of the words, “Jesus and Yeshua,” replacing the current admissible words “anarchists,” for the good of history.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Abortion clinics now available in every High School in The United States.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR, even though gas is selling for 4,532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts executes last known remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
A Couple Finally Achieved Sexual Harmony . They had simultaneous Headaches.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 5 illegitimate children. Cloning specialists claim they can produce ten foot tall potential Black NBA players within the next few years with a $250 billion grant.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, ballpoint pens, fly-swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent; Government executives are exempt.
Any hold-outs from the 2035 confiscation of guns, ammo, knives, axes, machetes, ice-picks, etc, will be exterminated when caught.
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines; factor of 1.73:1.
No more than 7 people are allowed to assemble publicly except Executives.
Book stores, homes, libraries and publishers will be sanctioned beginning next year for possessing of, or reference to, a Bible, Tanakh, or media pertaining thereto in accordance with Clinton Executive Order PEO-59-666.
Government revises penalty from life imprisonment to death for all dissenters or anyone else who has not had their Government Oversight Devise (GOD) implanted on their brain stem for identification, indoctrination and control. (See “DIE” below)
In accordance with the new government approved “DIE” program, “Dissenters” are to be recycled immediately upon conviction regardless of age; “Inconsequentials” are to be recycled at or by age 40; and “Elites” are to be “memorialized” at a place of their choice irregardless of age at death.
Oh yeah… and God (the one we used to know) objects to the scientific term “dark matter.” It’s really “Light Matter.” You best remember that!
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Now, share this or send it to whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what… NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile, or, you might scare the living crap out of them. At least it’s your opportunity to inform people of what to expect for their children and grandchildren.
I Love This Country! It’s The Government That Scares Me!
Will America’s Second Civil War Start Today?
Good morning America. It’s one minute after midnight and the question of the day is: “Will America’s Second Civil War Start Today?” The “popular vote” (or unpopular vote, depending on your point of view) was close, but states that went for Donald Trump represent 56.9% of the 538 “Electoral Votes” to be cast today. If obligation and precedent hold true, Trump should receive 306 votes and Clinton 232. However, today’s vote could possibly make history in an unprecedented way in our Nation which prides itself on honest and true election principles.
The news media is full of accounts and accusations of Russia “interfering” with our election. Yes, it is probably true that Russia “hacked” our election proceedings and results, just as we “hack” theirs. The fact (if true) is that hacking to get an early picture of who will win and therefore be able to adjust their financial, investment and market planning and actions, trade agreements, etc., is certainly no proof of “Interfering with, nor affecting” the election results. There is not proof, anywhere in our media thus far, that Russia, or any other country “Changed” our election results in favor of a Trump Presidency.
You can bet your ass-ets, that we have and will “Hack” Russia’s election polls and results, as well as that of other countries for the same reasons they hack our. It what governments do. If we can “get a jump” on knowing the outcome, we can plan accordingly for an upper-hand and more profitable agreements, contracts, investments and other negotiations, we’ll do it. They do the same.
IF the “Electoral College” votes in favor of Clinton today, denying “We the People” of our choice of President, then “All Hell Could Break Loose.” There could be riots in the streets, property destroyed and people injured and killed beyond anything we have seen in this country in the last hundred and fifty years. May we hope and pray that this does not happen… It could IF we let it. May God bless America.
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Credit: WJZ, CBS, Baltimore, Past Riots
If You Live In The USA, You’re Walking On Fertile Soil
No need to go to your garden and lawn store this fall. More fertilizer is on the way. Trump will bring on a new load this week but it will be coarse with weeds, lacking specific ingredients and will not spread well. Hillary will deliver a couple of more loads over the next two weeks and they will be mushy and easily spread, but there will be the usual stink, that we endure every four years…or maybe now, every year. Bugs will be prolific, Birds will Tweet, Snakes will slither just out of sight and Poly-ticks will continue to suck the blood out of all, and the ones who don’t believe or pay attention will be sucked dry. No need to turn around and look back because Uncle Sam is watching your ass ets because he knows that it really belongs to him. Reach up… feel the strings, notice the jerks… you are on stage as part of a Controlled group. Enjoy your notoriety… the World is watching.
America’s CAR (Critical Actions Required)
Hillary is rumored to have medical problems, but it is Donald who is rumored to have surgery tomorrow and hopefully be recovered in time for the final presidential debate.
The rumor is that he is going in for a “P lift.” No, this is not a problem that Viagra can fix, it is to get a “personality fix” so that hopefully he will only dwell upon the real problems that most American want fixed and don’t want to hear more smears and accusations.
The American public wants to hear solutions to our major problems and details as to how he is going to fix them IF elected as President. IF Mr. Trump can address these issues, in general, and in detail and convince the public he knows the problems, has solutions and the wisdom, courage and tenacity to solve them he will do very well. Otherwise, it will be his final strike, and America will lose the chance for “real change.”
The issues Americans want to know about and hear the candidates discuss in detail are:
(So, if you want to get into the serious $#!+, please read on. Trump should and you certainly should and to whoever wins the election, YOU “We The People,” should demand that they take immediate action to take care or our CAR…our “Critical Actions Required.” to save America.
1- The run-away cost, dictatorial, yet do nothing government is the first thing that needs to be fixed. Fixing the government is like fixing the engine on a “Car.” If the engine works, it may still have some rattles and may not be pretty, but it will get us where we’re going. If government is reduced and made more efficient, then taxes can be reduced…the people have more. President Ronald Reagan said, “Government is not a solution to our problem government is the problem.”
2- The economy needs to get moving before we can accomplishment further problems. If the Government is the power, then the Economy is the transmission. If we can get rid of unnecessary regulations, revise poor trade agreements, and make laws that help all business, mom-and-pop as well as Amazon, Target and Walmart, we can make progress. Unless the economy (the transmission) gets power and can drive the wheels that make the “Car” go, we’ll remain sluggish, some go nowhere and others die off.
3- Unemployment will result from a growing economy when allowed by and empowered by the government. IF our government is fixed, our economy grows, the wheels of our “Car” move and companies, institutions and organizations begin to hire more people. So, “unemployment” is a result of all 3 things mentioned work in unison. If we import less and produce more, keep companies here, we will need more workers and unemployment will diminish.
4- Health Care is like having a place to sit…to ride in our “Car.” Without a seat we can’t ride. Without good health (and an affordable program to keep us healthy), we can work. Obama promised in 2009 that the new “affordable” program would cut cost by 1/3 and all would have insurance. Now, costs have risen to the point that several more insurance providers will drop Obamacare, leaving more without health insurance. A person or family paying $300 for example in 2009 was promised a 1/3 cut to ~$200, but now that person pays $430. That’s 43% more than they were paying and 2.15 times what was promised. True, a few have insurance today that did not 8 years ago, but many who did then don’t have insurance now as they can no longer afford it. We need a system that encourages to go to a “clinic” for treatment instead of to the emergency room for minor illnesses and injuries. We need to cut the outrageous costs of medicines, procedures and visits. When a injection takes 5 minutes and cost $237, e.g., Medicare pays $57, the secondary another $30 and the Doctor’s office or hospital writes-off the $150, and by taking advantage of write-offs and other things, pays little taxes. Don’t you which you could do that?
5- OH yeah… let’s don’t forget about Defense and the growing imminent threat of an EMP or other cause of calamity and chaos by ISIS, or any of the Islamic or other terrorists. Remember, even IF we succeed in getting our “Car” running (in the 4 above), but terrorists or other dissidents, knock it out with an EMP, or blow up the car or even destroy the road ahead, we are not going anywhere. The first thing we need to do is identify the problem, accept it exists and call it like it is. It is not just ISIS or al-Qaeda, it is mixed society representing just over 28% of the World’s population, and a society where approximate 20-25% of them have the goal…the Agenda to dominate and rule the World. That’s 5-7% active or eventual and potential terrorists… that’s about a half billion people who practice Islam and can be induced to perform acts of terrorism. That is 1 1/2 times as many people as there are now in the USA! That is a problem that we must recognize and solve for our safety and the survival of our children.
It’s a long read. Hopefully you finished it. Thanks for reading, following and sharing Jeffress.com. You comments are always welcome and sharing is appreciated. Thanks.
Hey Yonce, We’re Catching Up
I just found out that we’re catching up. My Amish friend, Yonce Yoder and I are now virtually tied in the Presidential polls. Admittedly, we have a long way to go and a short time to get there, but with all the shi… the bad stuff coming out about both Clinton and Trump, we just might still have a chance. “Hey Yonce, maybe we should park the buggy and get a Ferrari… or maybe a 777 would be even better. Got any money?” Maybe we should quit competing and join forces. No one can dig up and shi… bad stuff on you and not much on me. Heck, we’re as clean as a new laid egg… and honest. We could be a great “two horse team.” 😉
IS HILLARY RESPONSIBLE?… IS TRUMP?
Hillary Clinton should not be disqualified from being President because of the lies, cover-ups, sexual improprieties and other deceitful actions of her husband. She is somewhat culpable, but not legally responsible for his actions.
She should be disqualified from being President for her own lies, cover-ups, improprieties, refusing to safeguard our embassies, illegally and unethically swindling millions from our taxpayers, putting classified documents at risk and promising to continue the very programs that are ruining America… continuing the Obama Agenda… bringing in millions more aliens, some of whom will be terrorist infiltrants to harm America.
Trump is an inefficient speaking, foul mouthed narcissistic bully who has taken advantage of women who, in some cases, may have let it happen to advance their positions and careers. Although totally unacceptable, this locker room banter happened a long time ago. Trump’s business experience, including legal tax avoidance and knowledge of how to fix it, and his strong, dictatorial nature may be just what America needs to overcome the ruinous actions of our current dictator and his Islamic, socialist leaning agenda.
Think about it. Listen to your “gut” and vote your conscience, and not just what the biased media owned by the “big guys” tells you to do. It is “your country…to take back or let slip away”… Your choice…your vote.
Sorry: I should have posted this months ago. Would it have made an difference? It’s a little late now. 🙁 But in the future, do what you can to save what’s left of our once great nation, and maybe even rebuild it… for your children, grandchildren and future generations. Whether you vote for a “she or a he or an it,” make sure your vote goes to whoever best supports our Constitution, our Nation and its principles that you want for your grandchildren and their grandchildren. Life and the freedom to “have a good life” is precious… don’t lose it.
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