It’s Sports…Not Academics That Are Important Today
That extremely liberal country, just west of Arizona and Nevada, just passed a bill to pay student athletes for their services…for playing. Mind you, they already get payed in many ways, e.g., Celebrity status, money, sex, special privileges, free get out of jail free cards, paid tutoring, etc, and are often given a “B” for “D” level academics… whatever it takes to maintain a “C” level grade. Oh well, we all know that sports are more important than academics, so it is only fitting that we appropriately reward these futures multi-millionaires for the games they play.
I therefore, recommend that all institutes of higher learning adopt the following administrative structure and compensation for their sports…I mean academic institutions:
1- The University or College President will always be the Captain… the Quarterback of the Football team and compensated $5 million per year., plus appropriate performance bonuses of course. The main Quarterback will always be the Captain.
2- The Captain of the Basketball team will be the institute’s Provost or Vice-President and will be compensated $4 million per year, plus bonuses. The Star player will always be the Captain.
3- The Deans and other top executives will be the Captains of the Baseball, Soccer, etc, and compensated $3 million per year, plus bonuses.
4- All first-string players will be paid 80% of what their team captain receives, and all second-string players will receive 60% of the captain’s pay.
5- The Team Coach (for each team) will receive Twice of what his average player gets for a Winning season, and Half for a Losing season. He will be rewarded for his performance. Just like the MP in the British Parliament; A team, or Media/Public vote of “No-Confidence,” and he’s out.
6- Preparation for a long-term career, success in civilization and possibly governance is always second to that of a winning sports team, and the millions to be made by both players and the institution.
7- Preparing students for a good, secure, life-long career is a thing of the past. We are only in business to make “Super Stars” now. Anything less is unacceptable.
8- Oh yeah, one more thing: All Women in sports will make 20% of their male counterparts in their respective sports, but will not be part of the institutions administration.
9- I almost forgot… A person born Male, but becomes a Woman, will always compete in and be compensated as a Male in the sport that He will obviously excel at. Women refer to them as “Ding-Dongs,” but what what the hell, they have a definite advantage and will normally win. That’s what is important.
10- Remember… in today’s World, it’s all about the MONEY… the Superstars…the “Show,” the.. Billionaires. That is what is important. It will all be the LAW soon.😳